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You’ve probably heard of so many different smoking cessation programs that you’ve all but given up hope of anything actually working for you. If you’ve got the will to quit, there is hope and you just might find it in a medication called Zyban. I did.
Zyban is actually an anti-depressant medication though many experts feel it is more successful as an aid for quitting smoking. Your doctor will probably tell you that Zyban will not affect your mood at all if you are not depressed. While Zyban may not work for everyone, my diary will show you what you can expect as you prepare to quit.
Day One
I feel a little weird taking my first Zyban tablet. It will be my luck to have some of the side effects I’ve heard of. Is that my way of getting out of quitting? I don’t think so. I really want to do this—I just want to do it without pain.
Day Two
Took my pill again. Nothing happening. I’m very anxious for a cigarette to taste awful.
Day Three
Tomorrow I start taking two pills a day. Being a non-smoker is getting closer. It’s a scary thought till I remember the doctor’s words when she checked my breathing. “You know how you hear people with emphysema…” and she demonstrated the sound. “You don’t have emphysema but it’s the step before and that’s natural after 25 years of smoking,” she said. I hear those words daily in my mind and that’s why Zyban is going to work.
Day Four
First day taking two pills. I’m getting anxious and it seems like I’m chain-smoking this morning. This afternoon I was smoking a cigarette and thinking I didn’t really want it. Could that really be? I’m still smoking as much, but it really is starting to bug me.
It’s nearly midnight and I feel like I’m smoking like a chimney—I smoked a whole package today.
Day Five
Other than a nightmare that had me awake and unable to get back to sleep very early in the morning, I still notice nothing. I’m smoking like a chimney and still waiting for my miracle. I’m very conscious of smoking now.
Day Six
It’s 8:30 a.m. and I actually think this—my second cigarette of the day doesn’t taste so good. My mouth feels a little dry and I’m rubbing my tongue against my teeth—my mouth feels sort of…different. By bedtime I feel a bit guilty when I realize I smoked as much as ever.
Day Seven
I’m still smoking. I can’t stop grabbing them. I think my mouth actually does feel kind of yucky today…stale, like when you’ve smoked all night. The day was just like any other smoking day except for the horrible dry feeling in my mouth…
Day Eight
Starting off with my morning smokes but I think I’ll get out of the house this morning to distract myself. What a depressing day I had—don’t ask me why—I don’t know. It was just horrible all around. And I smoked LOTS. My friend (who still smokes) said I shouldn’t worry yet since her father just quit and he hadn’t cut down till well into the second week.
Day Nine
No cigarette till I was up for a full half-hour! Maybe Zyban is working though the rest of the day wasn’t much different than any other.
Day Ten
My cousin went smoke-free today. She sat here with me all day and said it didn’t bother her. Can I reach that point? Two days ago she said she smoked lots. Seems like I’m smoking lots. Actually less than a package a day—that’s a drop but I feel like I’m really consciously trying to do this.
Day Eleven
I wake up each morning hoping I won’t want a cigarette. But I do.
I think I’d like people to feel sympathy for me when they hear I’m trying to quit. Like “oh, poor thing”. But the ultimate reality is they don’t really care so I guess it’s just got to be for myself and how good it makes me feel.
My day ended with 18 cigarettes smoked.
Day Twelve
I am very consciously trying today. I didn’t smoke till after I was up for an hour then I spaced them out every 1 ½ hours. I watched the clock to see when I could have one but it really wasn’t bad going that long between. Once I even went 3 hours without one and ended the day with 11 smokes. And I really don’t think I want another one.
Day Thirteen
One day to go. I told myself Day 14 would be my quit day if it didn’t happen sooner. It’s hard for non-smokers to imagine but it’s a very scary thought to think of never having a cigarette again.
I have been up for two hours and am just about to have my first smoke of the day. I definitely feel a headache coming on now so I have a cigarette and get a little head rush. Non-smokers must think we are so pathetic.
I made it through to 10 p.m. with only 5 cigarettes. Then I had two more later just because I figured I might as well get rid of them. Tomorrow is quit day, you know.
I think I might be able to do it. I really don’t crave the cigarettes. Zyban has taken away the nicotine withdrawal although the habit is still demanding I grab one.
Day Fourteen
This is it! Quit Day. I’ve been up for an hour and so far it’s not bothering me.
One and a half years later
Wow. I can’t believe I never wrote in my diary again. I’m still smoke free and I’m amazed now when I look back at how I was feeling as I quit smoking. I do still get the occasional urge for a cigarette but I won’t have one ever because I really am scared I might still like it. But ask me if Zyban works and I’ll tell you yes. I liked smoking but I love not smoking more.
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